Stuck

I am stuck. I have writer’s block and just frantically wrote our editor, letting her know that I am feeling overwhelmed by the idea of having to come up with something to share with all of those who find a connection through this blog. I’m also feeling overwhelmed because I said that I would do my part as a writing team member, and I don’t want to let the team down. But as I sit here after sending the email, the inspiration of this last sermon series keeps shouting to me in my internal voice. “Just keep moving, Danielle!”

And so, here I am, literally sharing with you my inner dialogue in hopes that the movement of my fingers will catch up with the movement of what it is God might be trying to say to me. Right here, right now.

What keeps replaying in my head from the sermon is that “consumption will lead to stagnation, and contribution will lead to transformation.” This quote brings the old hymn to mind, “It’s me, it’s me, it’s me, oh Lord, standing in need of prayer.” I need prayer because I am feeling stagnant. I’ve been consuming good Word by listening to sermons. I’ve been consuming good Grace by being on the receiving end of God’s favor in keeping my family and me. And I’ve been consuming good Friendships through the community of people who have extended their hearts and hands in my direction. And while there is nothing wrong with being blessed by any of these things, my contribution has been missing.

Now I usually have these realization conversations with myself, or I’ll pray to ask God for guidance. Still, I hadn’t realized the impact of my lack of intention before the fear of transparency led me to think I had nothing to share through my writing. This revelation is a part of my contribution. And I can only be transformed by the renewing of my spirit if I let go of that apprehension and shift my thoughts towards the good that I have to offer through my God-granted gifts.

I am sure that someone from the team would have willingly stepped up and filled the gap; however, had I not taken the time to consider what was keeping me from doing something I love (and as I think about it, there are several things that my fear freezing, one-sided consumption has kept me from contributing to) I would’ve missed the opportunity to examine myself and have something very specific to go to God within my prayers.

This surely was not the direction my original story was headed in for this blog. It, too, was stagnant—confined by the limitations set by fear. And in this very moment, I feel freed from those fears. I am free in knowing that I am being transformed through my contribution of this short testimony. And my prayer is that you’ll be freed, too. Just keep moving.

by Danielle Boardley
Danielle, along with her husband Dominic and children, moved to NJ in April 2014 and began attending Kingsway shortly thereafter. Quickly accepting the invitation to go through Growth Track, they learned more about the church, their spiritual strengths, and landed on the Worship Arts team. Danielle values spending quality time with her family and finding ways to express herself creatively. Joining the Kingsway blog team was yet another exciting opportunity to serve through creative expression. Her love of writing began in her youth when she was introduced to the works of Maya Angelou. Inspired by her prose, Danielle published a book of poetry in 2007.

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